I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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