Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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