you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i drank out of a bidet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
