I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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