Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
