break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
