We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
