I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
MIDGETS
????
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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