ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ketchup is God's man juice
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
