While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
