Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
