Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
