THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
