if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
