I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
