sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
