Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
