I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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