Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can you bring me the toilet please
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
