I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
