Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
