In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
