Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
