i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
