I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
