Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
