what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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