and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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