Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
