so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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