I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
