i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize