Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
