i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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