Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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