If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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