I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
