i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
