i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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