He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
