I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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