We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
