the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
