we have officially lost it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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