I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
