And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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