are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
