I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
