OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
