yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
