The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
