People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
