We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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