p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
