I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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