You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
