Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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