You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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