I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize