That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
