I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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