You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize