WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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