This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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