he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
