dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
