So drunk its hurt
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
