I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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