I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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