Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
